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NSA rolls out new UR-Cloud service

It’s official and long overdue!  The NSA is nowoffering a new and totally free service.  UR-Cloud.

The benefits are immediate and free!

  • All your old data backed and secure (already)
  • Redundancy all over the globe
  • Hacker proof.  (except Edward Snowden)
  • Available in all known languages around the world
  • A secure record that is indexed by the very best Meta-Data in the world
  • Access to the best Big Data tools in the world (small fees may apply)

The best part!  You only pay when you access our data.  We know that it takes taxpayer money to do the first backup, so why pay twice?  We keep it for you until needed.  we offer a new convent payment method that will quickly deliver our content back to your control quietly in the background.  Oh, and don’t worry if you can’t access it through traditional ISP’s.  We have our own network just in case.

In the rare event we have missed something, will connect to the provider and retrieve our missing data for you.  Of course, this is all highly secured with SSL and quantum security keys only available to the NSA.  So while others keep your data in highly but lessor secured formats we insure that when it’s all put in one place, it will be more secure than ever.

Protected by Court Order!

Just remember, all other companies claim to have great security, but we got in didn’t we? It’s really simple.  You have to trust them, but we have oversight and the FISA courts to protect you.  Not even the Freedom of Information Act will break our security.  It’s that simple.  We already have it, so get to it.

Today only!

Sign up today and speed this process along  The IRS has agreed to handle all our billing in a groundbreaking strategy.  We will now charge you directly through a convenient W2 charge.  This monthly pay in advance fee will insure you have constant access to all your data across all providers and services in one place!  No more hassle of trying to retrieve here and there, from companies you don’t even work for anymore.  Just save anywhere you want, log into your secure portal, and we will give you complete access to your history.  Can’t access the net for a critical piece of information.  Just stay put.  We will be right there!

Remember – UR-Cloud is everywhere you will ever be!

 

 

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